nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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