My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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