Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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