Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
