Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
