I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
