I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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