Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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