I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
