you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
