maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
