Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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