It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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