He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
