plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
