First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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