I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
