I want to have your abortion
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
