So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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