Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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