in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
