i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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