she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
