I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
