i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
sex in a hospital.. check
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
