remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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