Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
