You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
