Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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