well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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