toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
