Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
