We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
