The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
