Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Nicole vs. Life
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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