a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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