I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
