His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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