What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
