her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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