Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
