is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
