After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
