There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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