She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
