addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
