Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
