an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need water and some morals
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
