Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
