i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
